Pinball
by theapplecores
Summary: It's not at all about a pinball machine, it's not even about the fact that Spock and Uhura get along so well. It's about the fact that Jim just wants to cuddle.


There was a pinball machine in the rec room. It was old and dusty and took the old earth currency of quarters and to that purpose there was a machine that dispensed quarters by the door in case anyone ever actually wanted to play. Only no one ever went near it.

Except for the one time that James Tiberius Kirk did. He was angry and more than a little bit hurt (which he would _never_ admit) and he needed a way to fucking vent. He had gone down to the infirmary but Bones had turned him away with a loud "Dammit Jim, I'm busy and if it's about that damned hobgoblin of yours I don't want to hear it anyway!" So Jim had left, in a bit of a huff, and plopped his ass down in a chair alone in the rec room. He had fully intended to sit there and stew until Spock came to apologize or there was some life threatening situation (which could be weeks, or it could be seconds) when he spotted it. The pinball machine, it was exactly like the one that used to be in the Chucky Cheese near his house as a kid. The pinball machine he had rigged to give him seventy four credits. Until the management caught on to him and permanently been kicked out. So Jim hadn't played pinball since he was, shit since he was like eight or something.

And if you're going to be angry and hurt you might as well be angry and hurt at a machine. He was able to rig the machine in much the same way except that it would only give him ten credits at a time, which was fine, because the rigging was the fun part. The playing was really more like one long victory dance.

Every time one of those silver balls got close to Jim's little flipper things he imagined the ball as a face. Sometimes it was Spock, sometimes it was Uhura. Mostly it was Spock though. He didn't notice when he started muttering obscenities at the machine but they consisted mostly of "fuck you", "fuck both of you", and "fuck fuck fuck". Generally speaking Jim knew quite a few curses, but he wasn't terribly creative in times of emotional distress. He was right in the middle of watching Uhura's head fly off of a pair of brightly colored bumpers when the real thing came into view. Long and lean and hell, how could he compete with that?

"Hey." She swished her hair behind her head and looked down at him with that haughty little stare. Jim shouldn't even say anything back, he should just stare at the machine until she went away.

"Hey." He said back.

"Wow you really suck at this." Whatever, James Tiberius Kirk didn't suck at anything.

"Tell me something I don't know." He leaned over the machine and flipped his flippy things furiously. The little ball still managed to slip through. "_Fuck_."

Uhura stood there and drummed her long red nails against the plastic cover while Jim fought to somehow make the ball go where he wanted, even though there was no way in hell that was ever going to happen, ever. The ceramic click clack of nails against imitation glass was enough to make Jim rip out his own ear drums.

"So how long do you plan on acting like a petulant child?" She asked. Which was completely unwarranted.

"Until I'm not mad anymore or I'm out of quarters." She didn't need to know he wasn't using quarters. She didn't get the _privilege _of knowing that Jim knew how to rig a pinball machine. Regardless Uhura eyed the quarter machine near the exit and rolled her eyes.

"You're Captain of a starship and you can't go apologize to your boyfriend." Man, that was weird to hear out loud. Not because of the fact that Spock was a dude because Jim was all for free love, but because Spock wasn't just a fling, a brief tryst, or an affair. _That might change soon_, Jim reminded himself with grim satisfaction.

"Every time I start thinking, 'Hey, this he's not so bad, he's a real decent guy' you do something to screw with that. Why Kirk, why do you keep screwing with me?"

For the first time in his life Jim was afraid Uhura was going to beat him up. But he just dug harder into his game.

There was silence for a while then, "Did Spock send you or did you just decide today would be a good day to pick on me?" Which is what it was, Uhura was being a big bully, because Jim was fucking hurting over here. Jim was having a battle with himself down to his very soul. And he wasn't happy dammit. So why was everybody ganging up on him?

"I saw you storm out of his room."

"Oh." _Stalker. Spock Stalker. I bet you wait outside his room and watch him sleep._ Which was totally not valid because Jim knew Spock didn't actually sleep, like, ever.

"So what meaningless little thing did you freak out over this time?"

"Nothing."

"Kirk."

"Nothing!"

"_Kirk_!"

"Fine, fine!" Jim slammed his hands down on the top of the pinball table. "Since you just made me loose my game I'll tell you! It was you, alright?"

Uhura's mouth opened a little in shock. "What?"

"I don't know, it's just that you two are so fucking chummy and I was just looking for a little reassurance on the matter."

Uhura opened her mouth as if to speak but Jim wasn't going to let her, he wasn't done yet.

"But then, you know instead of saying the Vulcan equivalent of 'It's cool baby, I'm not fucking her or anything' he shoots me this cold little glare." Jim was pouting, he knew he was pouting. "Am I not allowed to feel a little paranoid every now and then, can I not show a little self doubt?"

He slammed a hand against his forehead and groaned. "Fuck me. I know he'd never do that shit to me, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if he's with the wrong fucking guy." He leaned against the pinball machine ran a hand through his hair.

"Every other word you say is some variation of fuck." Uhura practically chimed in.

Jim threw up a finger half stormed out before Uhura caught him by the arm. "Stay and play some more damn pinball, I'll go. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't messed things up with him."

"Who says I haven't?" Jim grumbled but did what she said. Since when had he become so subservient anyway? Soon the silver balls ceased to look like Spock and Uhura and started to look more like Jim.

Jim left the rec room around twelve when a few of the men and women off the last shift trickled in and chatted idly to one another. Jim made his was back to his quarters somewhat listlessly. He knew he should sleep, however he also knew that Spock would be in _his own_ room, not sleeping. Tomorrow would be awful and tense if he didn't fix this now, but tomorrow would be far worse if he _couldn't_ fix this now, if he had irreparably screwed things over. And there was a sick pit of dread in his stomach that bet he couldn't.

Fuck this shit! He was James T. Kirk. He'd driven his dad's car over a cliff so that no one else could ever drive it again, he'd survived allergic reactions to more shit than he could count, he'd fought Romulans and **won**. He would face his boyfriend.

Not that anyone could ever tell they were in a relationship, they hardly ever kissed, or hugged, or anything.

Which, if he was telling the truth, was kind of the underlying reason for this whole thing. Because he'd kissed Uhura in front of everybody in the transporter room, but with them? Nothing. Not even a quick peck in private. And Jim was a cuddler, something he was far too proud to ever say, ever.

He found himself outside of Spock's door not sure if he should knock, or just come in. Normally he used his codes to override the door, or just, you know, walk in if it was unlocked. But now he found himself struggling and unsure. What if Spock was in there seething or something? He settled for both and brought his hand down on the door, knocking twice before grabbing the door handle and almost colliding with Spock.

They stared at each other for a minute. Spock had a tooth brush half hanging out of his mouth and eyes opened just a smidgen more then usual. Which was possibly the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

"Hey." Jim said lamely. Spock turned around and Jim decided that meant, 'I'll be right back give me a minute to spit out this nasty wad of toothpaste that's currently burning my mouth.' So Jim sat down on Spock's bed and stared around the room briefly, nothing had changed. But really, he'd last been in here only four hours ago, so what did he expect? He stared down at his hands and when he stared back up, there was Spock.

Jim had every intention of saying he was sorry and how much he hadn't meant to get so worked up, but you know, he was stressed. Sulu kept trying to get him to fence, but he really didn't want to, and there were things he had to sign and paperwork he had to do. But none of it was fun like saving the world, and he guessed he was just restless really. But could they please maybe touch a little? I mean he understood if they couldn't, but you know, every once in a while would be nice.

But then he felt a pair of superheated lips on his forehead and a little sizzle of brain to brain contact and it didn't matter any more because Spock would know now anyway.

"I have reading I must do before I retire. But I would be pleased if you would sit with me until the point at which it is completed."

And really, how could Jim say no?


End file.
